Posted in Cinema, Comedy, Humour, Movie reviews, Movies, Reviews

After Earth

Hello readers,

I have a Facebook page (shameless plug , click here ) . And on this Facebook page, I asked people to post any suggestions on what they would like reviewed or any topics they would want to read about.

Unfortunately for you all, a fellow blogger and friend suggested ‘After Earth’. Click here for his blog which is a thousand times more interesting than this:

I chose this picture because this is the most ridiculous advertisement for a movie. Fear is not a choice. Fear has scientifically been proven to be real. #technicalities
I chose this picture because this is the most ridiculous advertisement for a movie. Fear is not a choice. Fear has scientifically been proven to be real; so real in fact that almost all people have no choice but to feel it. #technicalities

Shortly after watching this movie (actually it was immediately after), I vowed I would never, ever watch another Father/Son, Mother/Daughter movie collaboration. Ever.

It’s been some time since I saw it and so the plot might be somewhat skewed here , but basically it has something to do with Jaden Smith running around in a forrest whilst Will Smith guides him through the forrest , through some sort of bluetooth device… or something like that.

ANYWAY – Jaden Smith spends the entire movie crying or sulking, probably from the embarrassment of being forced to act with his father.Will Smith cries in the end too because he realises that his son is in-fact, a terrible actor. Also , some other things happen obviously.

Looking beyond the acting , someone out there needs to stop this director : M.Night Shyalaman .

This guy directed one good movie in 1999 , the Sixth Sense, and I only liked it because it had Bruce Willis in it. All of his other work is ridiculous and his movies make millions! It makes no sense whatsoever!

 

 

Posted in Cinema, Comedy, Humour, Movie reviews, Movies

Losing it.

G’day readers!

I love my action movies, special effects, aliens, superheroes , but nothing is quite as satisying as watching somebody completely lose their shit on camera without so much as a lighting effect in sight. Human psychology wins every time!

Here are some good recent examples of people losing it on camera:

1. Cate Blanchett – Blue Jasmine

Blue Jasmine - Cate Blanchett
Blue Jasmine – Cate Blanchett

Cate does this so well I don’t even know where to begin. Once at the top of her game in wealthy social circles , Jasmine returns to live with her sister in San Francisco after her husband loses all of their money, goes to jail and commits suicide. In denial about all of this, Jasmine does every textbook mental breakdown activity; from talking to herself,  to dressing way too proper.

2. Joaquin Phoenix – Her

Her - Joaquin Phoenix
Her – Joaquin Phoenix

Joaquin Phoenix in Her manages to give a little bit of life to a relatively boring movie which is basically about your Smartphone. After buying the latest smart operating system, Joaquin starts a relationship with his computer called Samantha and soon finds out that he is incapable of having a relationship with a real human being . ( I personally think this is because he owns a Ukelele in the movie but I could be wrong ).

3. Everyone in the Wolf of Wall Street

new-wolf-of-wall-street-trailer-leonardo-dicaprio-is-the-wealthiest-stockbroker-in-the-world

It pains me to say but Leonardo DiCaprio is actually a good actor.  Ignore Titanic.

The Wolf of Wall-street is based on the true story of Jordan Belfort, who scammed investors in the 90’s and became a millionaire as a result (and also served time in prison). With great money came a great amount of responsibility, and drugs, and sex. Also,  Matthew Mccaunaghay is everywhere these days have you noticed that? I see big things for him this year.

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET
Here he is in the Wolf of Wallstreet

 Have a good weekend folks. Happy watching. 

 

Posted in Beauty Reviews, Comedy, Food Reviews, Humour, Life, Miscellaneous, Travel

That fitness thing

Hello readers,

In 2013, I got the Runkeeper App on my phone. It was both a godsend and godawful at the same time; cheering me on when I did any manner of activity, and silently judging me when I didn’t .

It asked me to set a goal for myself .

I decided to reach for the stars and wrote : ” be fitter” .

One year later, I’m pleased to say that my very achievable goal has been achieved , with a few hiccups along the way ( hiccups in the form of fatty food and passing health scares ).

This year, the goal remains the same . If you have decided to do the same , here are some things to get you started :

1. Leave your house. Baby steps.

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2. Take photos of yourself in the midst of fitness related activity (or at least in fitness clothing). This will help to give your mind the impression that you are actually doing something good and healthy even if you only ran to the vending machine for water. 

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3. Go to a class of some sort. At first, the emptier it is the better. 

Actually, it’s always better when it’s empty. 

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4. I like none of the vegetables below. I like steak, burgers, pasta, chocolate, cheese and wine. It pains me to say that you should eat well. But you should. Because it’s just one of those things you have to do. 

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Good luck with your 2014 people. And if you’re not doing the fitness thing , please send me photographs of all the cheese you’re having. I hate you. 

 

Posted in Book reviews, Cinema, Humour, Life, Miscellaneous, Movie reviews, Movies, Reviews

12 Years a Slave

Hello readers,

We are off to a great cinematic start to the new year.  12 Years a Slave was brought to me by the Number 87 bus last Thursday when I wondered what I should watch over the weekend (these are the hard questions we are faced with, these are the days of our lives…).

Sensing my question, the right side of the Number 87 bus was painted with this:

12_years_a_slave_soundtrack

 

12 Years a Slave charts the journey of Solomon Northup, a free man who is abducted, given a different name and sold into the world of slavery. It is a true story.

The bus also advertised this as the best movie ever made.

I wouldn’t go that far. But it is good and , primarily, it is extremely uncomfortable to watch. Solomon is passed from one owner to the next, finally landing with Michael Fassbender who plays his character so well that I found it very difficult to like him as a person when it ended.

TWELVE YEARS A SLAVE

Steve McQueen manages to direct the movie without lecturing you about the topic. He tells the story bluntly and without apology, often focusing on little details to convey the ludicracy of the situation. Take a look at this snapshot for example:

This movement. Who uses a persons' head as a leaning post while they're talking!? Fassbender does that's who.
This movement. Who uses a persons’ head as a leaning post while they’re talking!? Fassbender does that’s who.

A final plus for me was the lack of any sort of motivational speech towards the end. The movie just ends, leaving you feeling utterly depressed. For this all, I give it a 5 out of 5 !