Posted in Book reviews, Cinema, Comedy, Humour, Life, Movie reviews, Movies, Reviews

No equality in The Equaliser

Hello everybody,

For lack of anything better to watch, we saw The Equaliser last week. Several completely unrelated things made this movie worse than it really was for me;

– Emma Watsons’ speech on gender equality to the United Nations

– reading Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay

– Being female , period.

Denzel feels sorry for a young prostitute and decides to take matters into his own hands (because clearly she can’t ? ). He feels sorry for her for about ten seconds before jabbing a corkscrew into a Russian’s neck. We soon forget why he was equalising anything in the first place and just watch him beating people up.

It all ends in a messy final scene set in a DIY store where everything can and will kill you given the chance or ‘On’ button.

There is a lot of slow-motion walking
There is a lot of slow-motion walking

This weekend is the release of Gone Girl , which will hopefully see the gender tables turn a smidgeon. Strongly recommend you read the book before seeing the movie. This way you will be guaranteed disappointment .

rs_560x415-140117183509-1024.Gone-Girl-Ben-Affleck.011714_copyUntil next time !

Posted in Cinema, Comedy, Humour, Life, Movie reviews, Movies, Reviews

That Liam Neeson tombstone movie

Hello everybody,

Opening to rave reviews of 2 stars (2 stars is good for Liam Neeson) this week was A Walk Among the Tombstones; the latest “I will find you , and I will kill you” movie.

Neeson plays a hardened and retired detective . Retired because he killed a child by mistake (oops) and he now does ‘favours’ for people ‘on the side’ , like helping drug dealers find out who took their wives or children.

I ended that sentence and sat here for another 30 minutes trying to think of what else I could write but honestly this movie is so terrible and forgettable that I can’t. I just can’t. I saw it yesterday and I have forgotten almost all of it with the exception of the credits at the end, where I felt very very happy and relieved to be going home.

In other news, Batman our kitten has turned into a full blown asshole cat.

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Don’t let the good looks fool you; he spends his days mostly sleeping and his nights mostly terrorising the neighbourhood cats and using flower beds as litter trays. Sometimes he also stares at nothing , for hours. We have advertised him as ‘For Sale’ online several times now and removed the adverts minutes later, filled with guilt because he is family now … and you can’t sell family. Also he’s nice a lot of the time.

I am spending the rest of my day doing a mixture of nothing ,  doing my accounts , and getting my head around the fact that I have “accounts” in the first place. I don’t like this part of getting older. I would like to opt out of this portion of the show.

Hoping none of you are doing the same thing today. Enjoy what remains of Sunday!

 

 

 

Posted in Cinema, Comedy, Humour, Life, Miscellaneous, Movie reviews, Movies, Reviews

Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For…Or not.

Hello everybody,

Coffee shops are truly great places to see the best and worst of your society;

– A small child orders an “Americano, no milk , no sugar” for herself.

– An anxious looking businessman orders “Milk … to go.”

– A group of girlfriends wait in line, gossiping about the party last week where (rumour has it) Rebecca got herself “up the duff”. If you’ve been lucky enough never to hear this phrase , it is a rather out-dated meaning for getting pregnant. I almost miss my turn to order , waiting to hear the exact details of how this happened to Rebecca.

If you do nothing else this week, I hope you get to sit somewhere and just listen to other people’s lives.

I also hope you get to do anything but watch this movie:

Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For

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I first saw Sin City soon after its’ release in 2005. I remember not being able to get it out of my mind for a long time. Visually it was like nothing I had ever seen before. The comics I read were suddenly brought to life , frame by frame.

Sin City 2 is exactly the same , with the exception that I now have almost 10 years worth of cinema behind me and , whilst I love a good visual , I now need a storyline.

A storyline is where its’ at .

This has none of it.

There’s something about a lady who kills her lovers, something about a gambler , something about revenge , something something something.

 

Yes, watch it for some great CGI and special effects . And that’s that . Disappointed!

Have a great weekend folks.

 

 

Posted in Humour, Life, Miscellaneous, Travel

Camping in the Lake District

Hello people,

I’ll be the first to admit this blog has hit a bit of a dry spell ; the first to admit it because I doubt anyone is reading anymore to admit to anything otherwise.

So I’m back. Refreshed after a weekend of camping two weeks ago , and thrown right back into exhaustion and slight depression after a weekend with friends. *Note – I feel this way because they are gone, not because they were here.

Camping was also a pleasant surprise. We travelled to the Lake District which, for those of you as terrible at geography as I am , is not a couple of hours away from London. It is more accurately about a 6 hour drive with traffic. Driving aside, the destination is worth it:

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If you have never been camping, here are some things you should prepare for:

– Your tent will most likely not be close to a toilet . Don’t be fooled when they place you ten steps away from it because let’s be honest, this is ten steps too far in the middle of the night.

– Do not watch a video of how to assemble your tent on YouTube. These people may look like humans but they are in-fact aliens from another planet with more dexterity and skill than you will ever possess. Just give up and sleep on the ground.

– If you do somehow manage to put up your tent after a lot of ”Pull that string … No .. the other string ” , you will need a ground sheet before you put down your mattress. This is because you are camping in England where the ground is freezing all the time.

– Wet-wipes . Wet-wipes are for every situation.

– Torches also. … And batteries for your torch.

That’s all I learnt.

The rest was beautiful .

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If you live around the area, or even if you don’t, it is worth travelling to the Lake District to get away from it all.

Enjoy the rest of your weeks wherever you are !