Posted in Humour, Life, Miscellaneous

Alone.

Hello everybody ,

I have spent all of this last week surrounded by people. Good people.

This week and next, I am living alone with asshole-cat (that’s his name now). A series of rather unfortunate events have led to this situation and I would share it if the events were mine and mine alone.

But instead I will be cryptic as f**k.

I have never lived alone. My first hour of it last night was spent crying , eating cheese and staring at the carpet .

Today, I started to get the hang of it.

I decided not to come home immediately and instead took the train for two more stops.

I bought gluten free bread rolls.

I got home an hour late (late for what?) and cleaned a ‘Number 2’ out of the bath . Asshole-cat leaves these presents regularly now . His ‘Number 2’ is in-fact his Number 1 priority.

My favourite part though was coming home to a letter from our Solicitors (we’re still trying to move house).Earlier this week we had received our contracts for signing , except there were no indications of where we needed to sign.

Because all humans find contracts deathly boring to read, solicitors and contract-writers all over the world place post-its or signs indicating where you would need to scribble your signature. All solicitors but ours that is.

I had to manually put little asterisks’s on the sections we needed to pay attention to. A job which I am actually paying somebody else to do.

The letter today said this :

” Thank you for kindly sending through your contract documentation which we have today received. Unfortunately Page 2 of 15 requires your signature and we have noted that this was not provided. Please could you kindly sign the relevant section , labelled with an Asterisk, and return to us at your earliest convenience.”

I responded :

“Thank you for kindly letting us know you have received our documentation. Apologies for the missed section. We received the documentation earlier last week and I spent some time going through the contract , labelling the relevant sections with an Asterisk, and promptly signing the relevant sections. Enclosed is Page 2 with the signature. I can’t believe I missed my own Asterisk! “.

I think I won.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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