Posted in Movie reviews

The Worst

Hello everybody,

This weekend we went to see 50 Shades of Grey . I will not judge you if you un-follow me right now.

Books are always tricky to adapt into a movie. Good books are difficult . Bad books I’m pretty sure are impossible. Enter 50 Shades of Grey as the absolute worst adaptation I have ever seen (I kid you not , the movie ends mid-sentence).

I wished that they had thrown out the script entirely. Actually I wished I was watching a different movie altogether (it was a choice of this or Paddington Bear . I’m sorry Paddington, I should have gone with you ).

I’m not so concerned with giving this a proper review because let’s face it , the internet has been broken with reviews of this movie. Although I do feel I should warn you about what to expect from your entire viewing experience:

– Be prepared for a full cinema . Couples, mothers and daughters (yeah, I know), friends, individuals on their own, they’ll all be there sitting next to you through a dozen sex scenes. There were people sitting in the front row yesterday ; your eyes will hurt but you get to see a 70 foot penis ! Yay!

– Advertising is different for these movies (who knew!) . Up first was an advert for Durex pleasure gel, followed by a barely dressed model having an orgasm over 0% fat yoghurt.

Warnings aside, I have to say I don’t think I have ever laughed so hard with an audience. All of what this movie was going for was lost on us. We hated it, and it was hilarious.

On the way to the cinema though, we saw something actually worth seeing; an art school spraying graffiti (legally) on to shop shutters for an art project.

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Also in the same alley was a new gallery which had just opened. The name I can’t remember so that’s not very helpful. Most of the paintings were over £1000, which also isn’t very helpful. Great seeing new places popping up in any case , go and check it out if you can ! (take the tram in to Croydon and wander, you’ll find it eventually 🙂 )

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Posted in Humour, Life, Miscellaneous

Gaming : How to make your life disappear

Hello everybody ,

This (past) weekend , we were invited to a Children’s birthday Computer party.

All of this confused me .

Was the child getting a computer?

Was it an online party?

Was the computer celebrating the anniversary of its’ purchase? (less likely)

The answer was none of these.

It was a party at which all of the invited children got together to play on their computers all day long.

Instead of being a little bit concerned, I was thrilled. Thrilled because I am by all accounts a little bit addicted to video games.

Surprised?

This little fact used to feature in the ” Cool facts about me ” box . It has since been moved to the “Embarrassing facts that I would not share with anyone I am actually close to” box that no-one opens.

What started off as the typical 80’s-90’s child playing Sega with the neighbourhood kids , turned into an adult with a monthly subscription to World of Warcraft. I’m not saying I had a problem , I’m just saying I maybe had to retake some exams because of it , and I maybe had to cancel my subscription as a result.

If this little tid-bit about me was known before I had actually been invited to the Computer Party , I’m pretty sure I would not have been invited. I took over that show. Kids played but mostly ? They watched.

Other fun facts about computer parties:

– Minutes turn into hours and no-one notices.

– No-one eats . At least none of the people playing.

– All damage caused to personal property and belongings is in-game only.

So apart from being the best thing ever (*I* had a great time) , my now adult brain tells me that computer parties are clearly the worst . 

Hope you’re all having a good week and doing something real 🙂