Posted in Comedy, Humour, Life, Miscellaneous

Sleep fairy

Hello everybody,

Of the plethora of things no-one prepares you for with a baby, sleep (or lack of it ) isn’t it . Errrrbody has a word of advice about sleep, or an opinion at the very least. 

Sleep when baby sleeps . Careful, don’t fall asleep when baby sleeps . 

Sleep with baby close to you in the first 6 months . Don’t sleep with baby in your bed.

Make sure you feed the baby when she wakes up. Don’t feed the baby to sleep .

Here is our current sleeping arrangement:

Over the past five months I’ve had so many conversations about my babies sleep patterns I’ve lost count. 

It turns out , sleep has gotten complicated . There are (I shit you not ) people called “Sleep fairies” , who will charge you huge sums of money to tell you how to ‘sleep train’ your baby. 

There are also (to name a few): workshops , online courses , coffee mornings and other general bullshitty gatherings that will be 1% useful and 99% will make you feel like you have damaged your babies sleep patterns forever . *cue visions of my child in her twenties waking every two hours . 

Sleep , I have decided , is one of those things which I will refuse to teach my baby. She has got this

Last week , she was awake every two hours. Last night , she slept for 10 hours straight. Nothing I did in the previous week or night before changed . She has got this.

Yes, i nurse her to sleep every single time, and many of those times will leave her to sleep next to me. I have been told by health visitors, GPs, and other mothers that this is a bad idea. And on the nights that she woke every two hours , I couldn’t help wondering whether they were right. 

But they’re not right . I’m right and I’m doing the right thing. Because after a stretch of ‘bad’ sleeping , she wakes up and does something she didn’t know the previous week. She sits, she starts crawling , she babbles and looks at me as if to say ,”You think growing is easy ?!”.

So if you’re reading this and were just about to book an appointment with a ‘sleep fairy ‘ : don’t. They shouldn’t be selling  a solution if there isn’t a problem. 

Save your money. Buy some shoes, coffee, make-up, a garden hose, anything will be better.

And on that note, I’m off to do exactly that 🙂 

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