Posted in Humour, Life, Miscellaneous

Life with a little person

Hello everybody,

To those just tuning in, it has now been 7 weeks since the arrival of our baby. I have some spare moments to tell you how it has been (*update – it has taken me three weeks to complete this post. I keep revisiting this line ).

In a nutshell, baby spends most of her time living as I remember doing when I was a teenager:

  • She eats all the time and only eats one thing.
  • She naps during the day and stays up most nights.
  • She smiles when she hears the Red Hot Chilli Peppers (actually this only happened once but I’m hoping it’s a sign of things to come).
  • She likes baths.

And that’s about it for now.

I have spent these weeks researching what I can do with her when she’s awake, because it terrifies me that eventually she will be awake all the time and I’m going to have to be an entertaining individual during this period.

Here are some things I found you can do or take your baby to:

  • Baby yoga – this is an actual real life activity that is maybe suitable for the more seasoned mother. For now, I can’t imagine doing a downward facing dog anytime soon. Namaste.
  • Baby sensory play – Here your baby will hone all her senses to perfection so that she can tell the difference between a sheep and a piece of wood.
  • Baby swimming – Self explanatory
  • Baby cinema – If it’s the last thing I do, this baby will go to a baby cinema! For those living in London , some cinemas and picture-houses do a ‘Big Scream’ screening of the latest movies or independent films and they are tailored to have you sitting there with your baby (i.e the sound is lower, space to feed , etc) and able to enjoy.

Life has otherwise carried on as normal and we do everything as a threesome. Our cat is still adjusting.

She’s awake.. so until next time, have a great week folks! 🙂

 

 

Posted in Movie reviews

The past 9 months

Hello everybody,

This will be a true test of the WordPress “Schedule post” function. You won’t find out until later, but by the time you do I will have had a baby. Yes, a real life miniature human will be added to our story.

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Several things are going through my mind as I’m writing this, namely;

  • Will we like each other? – I’ve had the opportunity over these months to speak to many mothers, grandmothers , etc and they have all assured me that I already possess unconditional love for my ‘bundle of joy’ , my ‘precious gift’ . I call bullshit on this. I have no doubt I will feel something incredible when she finally arrives, but I also know that I will need to take some time to get to know her after she rips through my vag. Mothers – you know I’m right.
  • How will our cat cope? – I know he knows already. He treats me with increasing suspicion and I’m convinced he is only here because of the food.
  • We will never be alone again – Although we have both wanted this to happen for a number of years, the reality of it all is starting to set in. Almost everything we do now, we are doing for the last time as a two-some. It’s a sad feeling. But it’s the same kind of sadness I feel saying goodbye to ones I love at the airport; you know you have better times ahead and you will after all see them again, and everything will be fine.
  • Keeping her alive – I’ve managed to do this for 9 months. It’s going well so far.

Mostly, I cannot wait to see how we do this. Our very own person that we can shape into whatever we want.

 

Posted in Comedy, Humour, Life, Miscellaneous, Reviews

The past 9 months

Hello everybody,

It’s been a while but, we’ve been busy. In fact, you could say this post has been 9 months in the making. Can you see where I’m going with this?

Yes , the past year has been a roller-coaster ride of working, travelling, living life and mostly being very very pregnant. I often thought of writing about the experience but in all honesty I would not be writing anything new that you wouldn’t already know from other websites. Those 9 months were a pretty standard template of feeling sick, feeling okay, swollen feet, face, swollen everything, etc.

What I can write about however is the labour. The fun bit. The bit that every woman who has ever been pregnant apparently ‘forgets’ as soon as it’s over. I am pretty certain that women all over the world have a secret pact to never speak honestly about this experience, particularly the last half hour or so.

 

If you don’t know me personally; I like detail, I like specifics. When I asked my friends, family and colleagues about their experiences in order to better prepare myself, this was as much information as I managed to get from them:

“You will feel a slight pressure”

“My back hurt quite a bit, but it passed quickly”

“You need to push like you’re passing the biggest No. 2 in the world”

“It’s over very quickly, you’ll forget it as soon as you see your baby”

Guys – the world would be a much smaller place if you only knew. Literally, there would be fewer people being born if you only knew.

Would you describe a car crusher in a scrap yard as applying ‘slight pressure’ ? I think not.

If you were a key-hole and your No. 2 was a planet, then yes it is indeed like passing the biggest No. 2 in the world.

Days before I went in to labour, we had a plumber come in to fix our toilet. He had four children. He jokingly said to me,’I heard the experience has been likened to being burned alive’. I now believe I must have misunderstood his tone at the time because I’m pretty certain he was being serious.

In the final minutes of pushing, several things went through my mind:

– I must remember to change my Facebook status to ‘Just Friends’ with my husband

– Why did everyone lie to me?

– This is actually worse than watching The Revenant

– Why don’t people get paid for this?

When it was over and I held our baby, yes there was a feeling of relief and I’m sitting here one week later finding it more and more difficult to remember the exact sensations. It helps that the baby is the best baby there ever was. But believe me, I still cross my legs and clench whenever I think about how she got here.

So there we are. If you want to know more than a blogs-worth post, ask away. I am in the meantime slowly making a return to blogging when I can.

Until next time 🙂

 

Posted in Comedy, Food Reviews, Humour, Life, Miscellaneous, Reviews, Travel

A little bit of Belgrade

Hello people,

We hopped on a plane to Belgrade last week to see my mom for her birthday. An all too short trip but one of the places we went to was Lorenzo and Kakalamba; a great little quirky restaurant which also does very tasty food.

Without photos to help, it’s a little hard to describe the decor. In a few short hours, I saw a stuffed polar bear (not real – relax animal lovers), santa, a knight statue which held my toilet paper in the bathroom, and a chastity belt.

The food was incredible. But also, it is Serbia after all and great food is not hard to find. I’m not bragging. It is simply true.

I did take some grainy looking pictures to give you a feel for it:

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And then the food..

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There was not a single item of food I didn’t like. I ate it all . But then , that isn’t a hard thing to do lately either.

We returned to a rather mundane week in London where several obvious things have been making headlines:

– The weather – It’s cold. Everyone I’ve spoken to “can’t believe it”

– Charlie Sheen has HIV – is anyone surprised by this ? And is no-one annoyed that he’s pushing out years of education around HIV by being so nonchalant about it? Another blog for another time.

And until next time, have a great weekend 🙂

 

 

 

Posted in Comedy, Food Reviews, Humour, Life, Miscellaneous, Reviews, Travel

Lazy cooking

Hello everybody,

I’d like to say that I enjoy cooking. But the truth is I do it because if I don’t eat , I will die. So I cook, begrudgingly.

I have tried all manner of short-cuts to feed myself (whilst keeping it relatively healthy). I have tried Jamie Olivers’ 20 minute meals (1 hour in reality – remember, you have to chop things and peel things and follow instructions) . I have even tried Jamie Olivers’ 15 minute meals. Same thing.

Recently, we convinced ourselves (Correction – we were convinced by a salesman) that ordering a ‘Gousto’ box is cheaper and faster than buying and making our own food.

You may have come across companies here in London, or elsewhere, who offer you fresh ingredients delivered to your door for what they claim is the same price as either going out for a meal, or buying organic ingredients from your local stores.

Gousto is one of those companies. And yes , for our first order it was cheaper (£20 for 4 meals for two people). But every order after that ? – £42 per week.

So here is my review of this experience. Pay attention because this is the last time I ever order a pretentious little Gousto box.

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Your box arrives. It is an obsessive compulsives’ dream; each of our four recipes had the exact amount of ingredient to make that recipe. If you recipe requires one spring onion , you get one spring onion, and so on.

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For our first recipe , I decided to try ‘Curry in a hurry’.

Your recipe card guides you through every step of the journey. I feel like I should use the word ‘journey‘ here because that’s how pretentious I felt cooking this.

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Very quickly you will start to realise that all the recipe cards and ingredients in the world will not take away from the fact that you have to cook this. And it will not look like the picture on the recipe card because again, you did it.

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I will give Gousto one thing . It is very, very tasty. The products are about as organic as they can be; it’s the best tasting chicken I have had in a long time and I will make this again (fortunately you can keep the recipe cards).

Next on our menu was a Double Chipotle Burger. Again very tasty. But my god, complicated to make.

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Tonight we will be having Mediterranean vegetable cous-cous. I’ve been keeping this menu item a secret from my husband who does not yet realise that the recipe contains no meat. Fun!

So, I’m not exactly a fan of the Gousto box. If you come across a good deal online or elsewhere, give it a try for the fun of it.

But remember: you still have to cook.

Posted in Life, Miscellaneous, Reviews, Travel

From Russia, with love

Hello people,

Hard to believe we’re getting closer to Christmas and the end of another year. To make the most of the remaining good weather, we’ve tried to cram in as many activities over the weekend, from walks in parks and meetings with friends, to the more mundane (and expensive) items like cleaning out the leaves from our gutters and servicing our car.

This past Sunday, we went to the Moscow State Circus at the O2, thanks to finding a couple of cheap tickets on a discount website. For £14 per person, expectations were low-average.

We were so very surprised.

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Fantastic (and slightly risky) performances. No net? No problem!
Fantastic (and slightly risky) performances. No net? No problem!
Flexi-ladies
Flexi-ladies. 

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The circus performance , “Zhelaniy”, tells the story of a little girl (played I’m guessing by a 30 something year old woman) who gets seven wishes.

Each performance is linked to what she wishes for; starting from very materialistic items like roller-skates and popcorn (legitimate wishes if you ask me), until she finally grows up and wishes for her last wish to make a boy on crutches able to walk again.

Ultimately, this is very much a children’s performance. I think we were the only adults who were there by our own choice, but it was well worth the trip and certainly value for money. If you want your child to see a circus performance but don’t want to spend hundreds on a Cirque du Soleil style show, then this is where you need to be looking!

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Until next time, enjoy your week everybody 🙂

Posted in Cinema, Comedy, Humour, Life, Miscellaneous, Movie reviews, Movies, Reviews

Mars looks fun

Hello everybody,

If you ignore Matt Damons’ questionable behaviour in recent media which includes colourful quotes exhibiting racism and homophobia amongst other things , if you ignore all that  .. The Martian is not a bad movie.

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It has the usual set-up of a Ridley Scott space movie. Key ingredients:

  • Space (very important)
  • Only white Americans go to (and survive in) space (this movie at least showed China has improved technology but still , only white Americans go to and survive in space)
  • Some tense and slow motion (because Space) action scenes

I should say , about 1 hour and 30 minutes into this movie my husband asked the very valid question :

Where are the f***ing aliens?

It’s not that kind of movie.

Instead, Mark Watney (Damon) and his crew attempt to leave Mars when their mission goes awry. The crew start to board their rocket (I’m sure there’s another word for their transport) , but leave Mark behind after he’s struck by a satellite dish and presumed dead.

Turns out, being struck by a satellite dish does not kill you and so Mark is left on Mars to fend for himself.

What follows is the laid back and often funny story of his survival. Using his background in botany, physics, chemistry and every other science (because he’s a man and he knows everything – don’t even get me started on female leading roles! ) , Mark manages to keep himself alive growing his own food whilst the people on Earth try to figure out how to reach him on time.

Thankfully, this space movie also has a great soundtrack for once. This personally made it 90% better for me.

I’d encourage you to watch this, even if you’ve hated every other Ridley Scott movie or indeed don’t know who he is .

Enjoy the weekend folks!